Swingland Swine Flu Kit

I would ask Mark to put this up as a newspaper article, but I thought he might be busy doing other stuff. It might not be the Shattered World, but I actually WROTE THIS IN MY ENGLISH BOOK FOR SWINGLAND!!!

With Swine Flu in the UK, it's now more important than ever to look after your children. That's why we tested a few products to see which was the best in defending your family:

>Dettol anti-bacterial spray
>Swingland Swine Flu Kit
>Rebecca Mann's Manly Protection

We tested all of these, and we can truthfully say that Swingland Swine Flu Kit was the best out of all of them! The Dettol Spray successfully killed 99.9% of the Swine Flu disease, but that wasn't enough. Our dear rat Jimmy won't be running again aby time soon.

Rebecca Manns' Manly Protector didn't do any better. After one spray of that stuff, the second rat, Tommy, simply fell over and died.

However, Swingland Swine Flu Kit successfully protected our third rat, Jaffar, and kept him completely safe from the disease!

The Kit is simple. You get:

>Three packets of tissues impregnated with anti-bacterial wash. When crushed, these release a lavender-tyme scent that clears your nose.

>A small mask that covers your nose and mouth, also imbedded with disinfectant.

>A bacteria killing deoderant that kills 100% of all known germs, and 20% of he unknown ones!

>And a handwash that kills 99.999999999999999999999% of all known germs, and all the unknown ones! Of course, we don't know the unknown ones, so we can't tell.

Swingland Swine Flu Kit is the best way to protect protect protect your family family family. Only £4.99, it's available in your local chemist*. After all, you don't want to get Swine Flu do you?

Swingland Swine Flu Kit was made and designed entirely by Richard Osman, but it was named after Ms. Swingland as everyone thought she had Swine Flu at the time.

*People in Yorkshire get it free.